Pocket Muse

Adventures en La Isla del Encanto

2011-02-13T10:21:00.000-08:00

San Juan

We walked into this giant metal tube on the morning of Sunday, February 6th. It was in the low 20s, and Chicago had already received over two more inches of snow, on top of everything they received a few days before in the blizzard. At 9:30 in the morning, O'Hare was already running about 1/2 hour behind schedule. Like a tubular martini though, we were shaken slightly (not stirred) and deposited 4 1/2 hours later in a tropical paradise. BEST. MAGIC. EVER! It was 82 when we arrived, and a bus took us directly to Alamo Rentals, where we picked up our royal blue Carolla so we could explore as much of the island as possible for the next 4 days.

The food in Puerto Rico is excellent, but honestly...a lot of fried food, so probably more fattening than I should consume on any sort of regular basis. Fruit is plentiful, but vegetables surprisingly are not. Salads are not common and are expensive, because it's too hard to grow leafy vegetables on the island. Our favorite meal was our last night in San Juan at Atlantica. Fresh seafood-so delicious! I also got to try Puerto Rican tamales, which are not as picante as Mexican ones, but very similar. Made of pork, and a masa type flour & rolled in a plantain leaf. Mmmm! Speaking of plantains, I had tostones for the first time. My family is Cuban, so I'm familiar with plantains--but the sweet kind, because that's about all you can get here in Central Illinois. The green ones though-I'm in love with those! They are typically double fried--so you peel the plantain, and cut it into diagonal pieces. You fry it quickly, remove it from the oil & smash it. Then you fry it again & add salt & garlic. Soooooo yummy! I also had chicken empanadillas in the Yunque National Forest. I was eager to try the Puerto Rican version, and it was just as I imagined it would be--wonderful!

We spent a little bit of beach time in San Juan before we took off for the southern coast on our first full day. The Autopista is their version of Interstate highway, and other than being a toll road (very cheap though--our most expensive fare was $1), it was well-marked. In fact, you know how we have mile markers here in the States? On the Autopista, it was marked every tenth of a kilometer! Oh to have the rest of the roads in Puerto Rico be so well marked. Sadly, that was not the case, and we got lost several times!! Not only were the highways off of the Autopista poorly marked-to the point of no signage whatsoever for MILES and MILES, there were also hairpin turns on one-lane roads with opposing lanes of traffic fighting for space!

If you heard a semi honking, it was a matter of life or death to make sure you were NOT on a curve, and that you were pulled over to the side of the road as much as humanly possible. Another interesting tidbit, is that dogs, horses and roosters have free roaming rights...so, in addition to avoiding the semis and other cars coming toward you head-on, you also needed to navigate the animals!! The older dogs were placid and seemed to understand traffic patterns. The puppies--not so much. A couple narrowly escaped the wheels of our bright blue rental car!

We spent our second night in Ponce, which is on the southern coast. Although it was beautiful too, it was more of a cargo port, so there were not a lot of options for hotels. In fact, only one hotel that overlooked the coast...

The next day, we traveled west, and into the mountains. Our destination was Utuado, where my friend Sarah & her husband Paul live. They moved to PR about 2 1/2 years ago--leaving the corporate world behind to become full-time farmers and writers. Utuado is a town of about 35,000. The downtown area is quaint with little gift shops, taverns that are little more than an opening between storefronts and even some familiar signs of home---like the Burger King where we met Sarah. All throughout our drive, I saw DonQ signs EVERYWHERE. While waiting to hear back from Sarah, I tasted my first DonQ. I don't think I prefer it over Bacardi, but it was smooth and sweet. Once Sarah met us, we followed her to the supermarket and then to the mom & pop grocer nearer their home, for fresh eggs. The views from the mountains were AMAZING!

The visit with our friends was much too short, but we did enjoy some wine, food and good conversation together. Sarah & I made tostones and she prepared paella while Paul gave Rod a tour of the farm. They grow coffee, plantains, bananas, oranges, & strawberries right now. Paul is researching the possibility of growing some exotic fruits too. They have a total of 18 acres, 8 of which are fertile for growing fruit.

The view from their deck is AMAZING. It was wonderful to see Sarah again too, and to meet Paul. She and I have been internet friends for 12 years & we met once while on a business trip to Los Angeles--where they were living about 10 years ago. After we said our good-byes, we headed to Arecibo & tried to get in to see the Observatory. Unfortunately they were closed by the time we got there...and we were hopelessly lost trying to find our way back to the Autopista. The one thing I can say about Puerto Ricans, is that they are super friendly and willing to help out lost turistos!

Arecibo was the only place I had to ask someone to repeat what they said more slowly in Spanish. On that front, my Spanish was more easily understood & I understood their Spanish better than Mexican--or even Cuban Spanish! Rodney's Spanish is pretty limited, so he was disappointed that people were not bilingual throughout the island, like they were in San Juan. We went to PR to see if it was a place we could imagine living and working in...I think Rodney is no longer considering it as an option.

Once we found the Autopista again, we drove back to San Juan, where we spent the rest of our vacation.

We spent an entire day in Old San Juan, visiting Fort San Felipe del Morro where I became enchanted with "The Chest of the Three Keys" and all the history of the fort.

We ate lunch in Old San Juan and visited the shops, where I took photos for my friends as souvenirs--as opposed to bringing back trinkets. We packed very light, so we didn't have to contend with checked-in luggage, and because we had no idea how big an "economy" rental car would actually be on the island! My favorite store there--and the one I took the most pictures of, was The Poet's Passage where they hold weekly open mics and sell local artwork.

Our last day in San Juan was the business part of our adventure. We spent the morning in the business district of San Juan, and spoke to several legal firms, trying to figure out if San Juan was a market for our consulting business, Litigation Simulation Services. It is not a litigious society there by any means, which is a good thing in general. The only cases we could help with would be corporate ones involving breach of contract or environmental issues. So, I think discovering this weighs in on Rodney's decision to not pursue Puerto Rico any further as a possible place to relocate.

I could see me living there. Especially given the mild temperatures, the hospitality of the islanders, the food and most of all-the amazing beauty of the coasts and shorelines, and the mountains. There isn't an ugly inch of land on the entire island!

We picked a very good time to be away from the Midwest, as after the nearly two feet of snow dumped on us, it got bitterly cold. I was regularly getting email from my friends and co-workers while we were away, telling me how much I sucked because I didn't have to endure the sub-zero temperatures here! We came home to the lovely snow scene above, of our buried hedgerow. The good news is that the air is hinting of spring now, and some of the snow started to melt off yesterday. With highs reaching nearly 60 this week, we may actually see our grass again before May!

Viva Puerto Rico. Me encanta mucho.

Goals Revisited, Puerto Rico, Flylady & Writing!

2011-01-30T18:05:00.000-08:00

Earlier this month, I posted these goals & I've color coded the ones I've made, ones I've made progress on, and ones I haven't touched:

1. Lose 8 lbs (4 lbs as of last Tuesday); a. walk 50 miles (back has been out all month, so I've only been walking (SLOWLY) in 1/2 mile increments...5 1/2 miles); b. use low carb recipe plans & stick to them Need a better plan but I'm definitely eating more along these lines; c. yoga-at least 1 pose daily Not so much poses as using the yoga ball--most days; d. 3 aerobics videos Probably won't do any due to back issues.
2. Read/listen to 6 books 4 so far...very close to 5. I might make this one!; a. read 1 "real" book; b. load a book on MP3 player to listen to while on treadmill; c. listen to 5 CD sets checked out from library 4 of 5 complete!; d. return 5 CD sets on time so I don't get charged OOPS.
3. Write & get published; a. polish a short piece & submit to at least 1 place I have a very good shot of making this one because I'm working on a PAID article that will hopefully be done & submitted tomorrow!; b. revise 1 novel; c. write 12k words on a novel-in-progress; d. do at least 7 exercises from The Write Brain or similar book to keep limber -BOO! only did 1
4. Get organized; a. toss out 1000 things, b. send packages that need to go out, c. send funeral thank yous, d. clean out upstairs office
5. Create (not just writing), a. start Soul Collage decks-do 2 cards; b. draw 4 things; c. make 1 necklace
d. make 1 art journal page
6. Save money; a. don't buy booze-drink water from fridge instead-well this one I set up as a yes or no scenario...I went out twice with friends and drank, but at home, I was a good girl...; b. keep track of daily spending need to get better about writing stuff down; c. start organizing CDs to sell on Craigslist/eBay YAY! Will be ready to start selling my CDs once we get back from Puerto Rico!; d. re-initiate Dime at a Time baby steps program
7. Improve overall health; a. Make iPod sleep/guided meditation friendly, b. start using TCM book's Qi Gong exercises, c. drink 64 oz water daily again I made this a Y/N scenario...I was too pukey about 5 days this month to drink/keep water down, but most days I did very, very well!; d. go to bed before midnight every night HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

We will be in Puerto Rico in just one week!! Squee! I've never been there, so I'm way excited and will hopefully have some photos to share in a couple of weeks. We'll be there a total of 5 days, 4 nights. Hopefully all will go well weather-wise, as we're supposed to get dumped on by a winter storm mid-week. 12-24 inches, they say. =( Hubby is currently sick, so I'm hoping he'll be well by next weekend...and I have a sinus infection I need to get taken care of before I fly. Otherwise, SQUEE!

I joined Flylady again and will be receiving a daily digest of challenges, etc. With my back and head being the bane of my existence for the past year, the house has fallen into craptasticness. Not sure how much I'll be able to do, but I'm going to meet as many of the challenges as I can. I'm pretty okay except for things like cleaning the bathtub, or anything involving me on my hands and knees or awkward positions or lifting/carrying. So, maybe that eliminates 40%, but who's keeping metrics? I'll do what I can...

And yes, I do have a writing assignment that my good friend, Sarah, passed on to me because she is so busy freelancing! =) Sarah now lives in Puerto Rico, so I hope to visit her next week. You should visit her blog, Sarita Writes, because she is one cool chica! Anyway, Sarah & her husband Paul moved there a couple of years ago to become coffee bean farmers & give Sarah a chance to launch her full-time writing career.

Guess I better get writing...so I don't let Sarita down!! Have a fantastic week!!

SHINEonline & Passive Aggressive Advertising

2011-01-28T10:20:00.000-08:00

I signed up for a blogging challenge hosted by @WritingSpirit on Twitter. It's called #SHINEonline, and is a challenge to set blogging goals--and keep them. I've been trying to figure out what I want to get out of blogging. Do I want to vent? Express myself with poetry or photography? Get a fan base started pre-Inner Gold's release? Marketing tool? Whatwhatwhatwhat?

Even though I don't know exactly what I want my blog to be, I do know now what I don't want it to be. Since starting the SHINEonline challenge, I've been reading a lot of different blogs I wouldn't ordinarily get a chance to read. Some I've really enjoyed. Some have irked me. The ones that irked me all have one thing in common: passive aggressive advertising. It's like reading an infomercial, not a blog. No redeeming content. Sometimes the hint of something redeeming, if you're willing to pay money to get to it. Not enough of a hook though, to keep my interest. Many were advertising a website, a book release, a business, a product or an unbending belief--political or religious.

What I don't want then, should I decide to use my blog for marketing, is to advertise passively-aggressively.

My favorite blogs have been the ones where people are writing for pure art and expression. The ones where they talk about their personal goals and beliefs. The funny ones, where they make everyday occurrences LOL moments. I want to keep my blog that way. Art, expression, poetry, and a mishmash of real-life events.

Proxemics: How Much Space Does This Writer Need?

2011-01-23T10:32:00.000-08:00

I'd like to think that I'm a friendly person. I'm not a hug-o-phobe, I'll shake hands with anyone, and I'm a snuggler. But, I've realized lately, that I value my space. REALLY value it.

For instance, there is this very sweet woman at work, so I hate that she gives me the heebie-jeebies. But, she does. She doesn't understand proxemics. You know how there are certain bathroom stalls you peg as "yours" in your place of work? I generally like the far one near the wall on the left side of the bathroom. If it's occupied, or the one next to it is occupied, I go to the far one near the wall on the right side of the bathroom. Point being, we have 8 stalls in the women's room. I'm not going to choose a stall that's right next to one that's occupied--because I value your space too. However, I can be the only one in the bathroom, and Ms. Icky Toes (she wears sandals throughout the summer) will ALWAYS choose the stall that is right next to mine. She has 6 other stalls to choose from. Why the one right next to me? Better question: why does this bother me so much?

I grew up an only child in a lonely, gigantic house. You'd think I'd crave social contact and interaction, and I do sometimes. But, I crave solitude just as much.

At home, I don't get a lot of solitude. My husband craves social situations and attention-ALL the time. It's hard to steal away for a few hours to get quality writing time at home. I have a writers-cave in the basement, and I even have one upstairs. If it isn't my husband craving some attention, it's the furbabies. I can't even enjoy a quick spin on the treadmill without being interrupted!

I've learned to become an extrovert in social situations. It is exhausting for me, so I like to wind down with solitude, books, writing, art, etc. Do I need to become an extrovert in my home setting too? How do you balance your need for space with your need for social contact? How do you compromise on something so simple, and yet so complex as proxemics?

Editing & critiquing: Why I shouldn't complain

2011-01-20T07:48:00.000-08:00

Whenever I have personal writing projects I want to attend to, it seems that my husband has legal talks he needs to give, and they take precedence over my stuff. He's a pretty careless writer, in that he mind-dumps ALL of his thoughts on paper as they occur to him...and it's my job to clean it up.

This has been a source of tension for many years, and I begrudgingly edit and re-write because it's important to him and his career, and he has much more earning potential with his writing than I will with mine-at least for now. Basically, the benefits are far-reaching for my family.

I shouldn't be so grumpy about doing this for him. Yes, it takes away from my creative process time, but...

1. Editing and revising someone else's work helps me identify the same mistakes I make in my own writing.

2. Distances me from my own projects so that I can jump back into them with fresh eyes.

3. Helps me to avoid mistakes in my work when I am in the creative process mode.

4. Gives me something to gripe and blog about. ;o)

Editing and critiquing someone else's work can only benefit and strengthen my own writing. It's a GOOD thing! I have joined an online critiquing site, www.critters.org, and plan to cheerfully critique and be critiqued in 2011. I signed up last year--but have not taken advantage of it yet. After "Identifying Your Jury Foreman" is submitted, I would like to find a critique partner, and continue with writing, editing & critiquing!

Leadership

2011-01-11T22:28:00.000-08:00

"I am not a leader of men, cuz I prefer to follow..." ~Nickelback

This is the only Nickelback song I even pretend to like, but I love it for the simple fact that I am not a leader, so the lyrics seem to be meant for me. With the announcement of me leaving NaNoWriMo leadership in addition to leaving the group I founded, Wordsmiths by Night, I've been getting messages from past members. And, I can only say, I'm not a leader of writers. I am just a writer. A student. Nothing more.

I don't want to lead. I don't believe that I am a leader. All I ask is that my wishes be respected. I want to write. Hopefully be published. That's always been my mission. When I started Wordsmiths by Night 10 years ago, I was just hoping to meet like-minded individuals who also loved to write. When I took over the Peoria region for NaNoWriMo, I just thought it rolled in nicely with WSbN. I just wanted to make some friends, help those who needed it, and set some goals. Really, my initial intentions were just as innocent as that.

If you need camaraderie in your writing, I'm so there. Beside you. Every step of the way. Wanting and needing the same thing.

Goals

2011-01-08T16:25:00.000-08:00

I always find I'm more productive if I consistently journal. Today's journal entry re-introduced me to the concept of goal setting. Doable goals that are more than I normally do, but not out-of-the-realm-of-possibility. Thus, here are this month's goals:

Goals
1. Lose 8 lbs
a. walk 50 miles
b. use low carb recipe plans & stick to them
c. yoga-at least 1 pose daily
d. 3 aerobics videos
2. Read/listen to 6 books
a. read 1 "real" book
b. load a book on MP3 player to listen to while on treadmill
c. listen to 5 CD sets checked out from library
d. return 5 CD sets on time so I don't get charged
3. Write & get published
a. polish a short piece & submit to at least 1 place
b. revise 1 novel
c. write 12k words on a novel-in-progress
d. do at least 7 exercises from The Write Brain or similar book to keep limber
4. Get organized
a. toss out 1000 things
b. send packages that need to go out
c. send funeral thank yous
d. clean out upstairs office
5. Create (not just writing)
a. start Soul Collage decks-do 2 cards
b. draw 4 things
c. make 1 necklace
d. make 1 art journal page
6. Save money
a. don't buy booze-drink water from fridge instead
b. keep track of daily spending
c. start organizing CDs to sell on Craigslist/eBay
d. re-initiate Dime at a Time baby steps program
7. Improve overall health
a. Make iPod sleep/guided meditation friendly
b. start using TCM book's Qi Gong exercises
c. drink 64 oz water daily
d. go to bed before midnight every night

Believe it or not, the hardest goal will be adhering to a midnight bedtime!

things I've learned and things I'm learning this past week

2011-01-03T13:13:00.000-08:00

1. Most disturbingly, my mother's death did not erase the deep-seated anger I had beforehand. I thought that the death of a loved one was supposed to soften you to those negative emotions. It didn't. The good of that, is that I don't ever want to make such horrendous decisions that my daughter and her future-husband ever have such cause to be angry enough with me that it carries over into my death.

2. My parents were hoarders. I think cleaning up the mess will be largely on my shoulders, but I'm even angrier with my father than I was with my mother. Basically, I told him I'd get stuff organized and sell on Craigslist/eBay for a fair commission & expenses. As an example of the extreme hoarding tendencies they had: one man does not need six microwaves-especially the 3 that were sitting one on top of another collecting dust, the bottom one being brand new and still in the box. A woman I sit next to at work is starting her life over with her college-age daughter and was in need of a microwave. Sometimes charity helps in the healing process. I asked my dad if I could take one of the 3 microwaves just lying around for her...his reply was, "Absolutely, but not the one in the box." I have my work cut out for me. Now, I know I need to be much more of a purger than I am, so my daughter doesn't have this sort of mess to clean out.

3. My mom never exercised. Nor did she worry about what she ate. I'm lucky that I love my veggies and am not such a huge fan of sweets. Fried foods...depends on the day. But less food and more exercise will be another of my mantras this year. I think I am to inherit my mom's bicycle that my father bought a couple years ago. According to him, she only rode it about twice. But exercise...this past year has been a very bad exercise year with slipping my disc. I love to exercise, so not being able to exercise has been hard-but I could have walked more than I did. I just started spinal decompression therapy today, and plan to do my first 5k post-injury this May. I hope to RUN the 5k, though I certainly have the option to walk if I'm not capable of running.

4. I want to get closer to my relatives. I always assumed I was the black sheep because I had the falling out with my parents. My relatives did not approach me at all in that way, so that was just unnecessary baggage on my part, I think. I do have relatives I'm still very close to-my 2 cousins growing up who are the closest thing to siblings I have, and an assortment of Cuban cousins and one cousin who JUST lost her husband 2 days ago-one week after losing my mom.

5. I need to get published. If I'm going to leave the legacy I want to leave, I need to get it in gear. Longevity in life does not look good for me. My mom was only 61. Her sister was only 50. I lost a grandpa at 44. My special grandparents were gone at 71 & 79. I lost a cousin I was close to in Cuba at 28 from heart disease. I appreciate the shortness of life now. 20 more years...if I live to my mom's age...doesn't seem nearly a long-enough time to do all I want/need to do in life. I've already had cancer twice...you'd think I would have learned back then!

read at my mom's eulogy

2010-12-31T19:47:00.000-08:00

It's bad poetry in the aesthetic sense. It's meaningful poetry in the life sense. I wrote all but one stanza in 15 minutes this morning before the eulogy...her ashes will be scattered & buried this spring. Maybe I'll have some better stuff by then? But for now, this is what she has:

Read in the eulogy for my mom today:

Passing Down The Passion

Passing down the passion
of her creative art
was the song that Anny sang
from deep inside her heart.

She left us way too early
and left our heart strings broken.
But with every single one of us
she left a little token.

There was a beauty in the gifts
she made by her own hand
given to those in Christmas snow
and Florida's sugar-sand

Pieces of her heart
are scattered everywhere.
Ornaments and crafty things
were made with love and care.

I hope she's up in heaven
still sharing her crafting skills-
Passing down her passion
of arts & crafts & quilts.

winter

2010-12-26T11:40:00.000-08:00

Winter

White, icy snow

Dripping death into the veins

That rest like the snow

On tops of trees

Each spindly branch by branch

This Christmas Day

Death comes over youth

Like a freight train in the night

A polar express caravan

Full of thieves

My mother passed away around 3 AM this morning. I've spent most of the day calling relatives and making arrangements with the funeral director (I meet face-to-face with him tomorrow) and talking my dad through this. She was 61.

It's been just over a year...

2010-12-25T16:16:00.000-08:00

...since I last posted here. I'm not exactly sure what I want this blog to be for, is part of it. Hella overtime is another part of it. I haven't had a lot of time to write. Yes, I participated in...and won NaNoWriMo in November, but it was very lackluster for me. My brain wasn't fully wrapped around my novel like it usually is. I was still working hella overtime, and my thoughts centered more around my daughter's college tuition, bills, health, healthcare, etc.

I am estranged from my parents. They were pretty abusive when I was a child. And by abusive, I mean, I didn't ALWAYS fear for my life, but I did sometimes. And, worse than that, I had pregnancy scares-from age 11 on. As an adult...and not until we were forced to move back to Illinois because we had nowhere else to go when my first husband and I separated and divorced, did I realize the atrocities, and how I didn't want my own child subjected to these monsters. Thus, I've been estranged from them since my daughter was about five years old. I don't think I realized what a fucked up life I had until I needed to protect my daughter.

My parents were in a motorcycle wreck in Florida about 3 weeks ago. Broken bones, broken ego...all seemed okay until last night. Apparently, a blood clot from the injury went to my mother's heart and one of her lungs. Of the two evils, she is certainly the lesser one. And as much as I hate with every fiber of my being what they did, I can't escape loving them. What a conundrum, huh? I actually have some happy memories of her.

My emotions are all over the board. Anguished. Angry. Hopeful. Loving. Hating. Numb. I don't even really know how to feel right now. She's only 61, so it's not like I thought she'd be gone so soon. I expected my biggest worry to be...what to do with them when they're elderly and in need of 24-hour care. I'm an only child, for which I am eternally grateful. Some higher power must have thought another child wouldn't have made it.

I've made my mistakes. Enough that maybe my daughter will hate me too when I'm 61. My worst mistake from my point-of-view? When I first left her father, I took her to their home-my parents' home. The place I was lucky to escape from. I will always live with that guilt. I kept a very close eye on her, but, man. We would have been better off with the Y! =(

But, I will die knowing that as imperfect as I am, I wasn't as bad as them. I think that's what makes it so hard for me right now. How can you love someone who didn't care about you when you were most vulnerable? And then...my mother is like a child right now. Helpless. Alone.

Family Traditions--Blending Cultures

2009-12-23T22:20:00.001-08:00

My husband is half Italian, half German. I'm mostly European, but I have strong Cuban and Native American (Blackfoot) roots. When it comes to Christmas, I'm used to Cuban and Euro-American customs. Mr. Muse is used to Italian/Euro-American customs. And, now, we blend all of these together...

It seems it mostly centers around food. Mr. Muse and his Italian family make "ravs" every year. It's a process where you make a spiced meat mixture, cool it, and then hand make a dough...run it through a press, and "wrap" the "ravs"---which are something like a meat-filled tortellini, only not quite so doughnut shaped. It has become a competitive party, where family members compete to make the best "rav" every year. Mr. Muse's eldest sister, who has rheumatoid arthritis, and can't participate in the conventional way, judges. My American Mutt daughter has now won 2 of the past 3 or 4 years...eh, she's an artist...

My family NEVER had a turkey for Thanksgiving and Christmas. NEVER. We had fried chicken much of the time, but ordinarily, the main dish was roast beef. It wasn't the Christmas dinner so much as the after-delights I'm concerned with for this post. Grandma was from Cuba. The leftovers from the roast from Christmas was generally ground, and became a filling for empanadillas the following week. Empanadillas are now my very fondest memory of holiday gatherings...even if it was mostly a post-holiday event. None of the surviving family members can duplicate Grandma's recipe...and she never wrote down what she did. I think I've come the closest, but my dough was still too thick.

Empanadillas are little fried pies, with generally a meat stuffing--but can be dessert or fruit based too. If it's a Cuban meat pie, you can bet there is a fair amount of garlic & onion, and the filling was usually beef in our family, but I do remember Grandma making pork empanadillas ONCE from a leftover pot roast. I don't think they went over very well with the family, so I don't think she made them again.

Grandma wholly embraced the cookie tradition too...and for the longest time, I embraced her tradition...until I ate too much of what I made & started to gain weight. I no longer have a sense of smell either, and a HUGE part of holiday baking for me was how the house smelled.

I just feel sort of bad for my daughter. I don't really have a holiday tradition to pass onb to her. But, maybe I shouldn't feel all that bad...because if you REALLY think about this...she has a LOT of different traditions to choose from and to make her own. Including my ex-husband's family tradition of celebrating on Christmas Eve-and their traditional English toast at a certain time every Christmas Eve here. Maybe she actually has the best of all worlds though...and tonight, her boyfriend, Sho, learned the art of Italian Rav making. I told him that he'll have to come back to enjoy the soup they will make...and that he also needed to experience some Cuban food. He's Japanese, and these are outside of what he's experienced so far. He's a good guy...

In other news...I still have a blessed infection...sinus and eye, so have been going to work, coming home and crashing a lot. So, imagine how excited I was by my good fortune that I was able to complete my Christmas shopping in 2 nights. I wrapped most everything last night. Plus stuffed the stockings, so I only have a tiny bit to wrap tomorrow.

The kidlet leaves for Indianapolis in less than 2 weeks. I'd love to just spend a day with her...depends on what type of work we have. If it's slow, I might approach the bosses where I work, and ask for a day off before she leaves. Really iffy right now. We were soooo busy, I got overtime last week. But now we have little to do--probably holiday related? Anyway...maybe I'd be better off saving a day off now and again to spend a long weekend with her. She only has school 3 days a week...so we could spend time with her if she gets too homesick...

Using All the Tools

2009-12-06T15:16:00.000-08:00

I have a lot of tools at my fingertips. A LOT. Remember from my previous post, I'm a hoarder. I'll get to that update in a bit.

I have a few books on Feng Shui living. A few on reducing clutter. I chose to begin with one of the anti-clutter books--actually I started to use it a few years ago, but like all things, it fell by the wayside. Perhaps with a blog keeping me accountable, I'll be a little more likely to see it through.

The book is Organizing from the Inside Out by Julie Morgenstern. From what I remember of the book before I ditched it years ago, she identifies different personality types who tend to hoard. I fit the classic definition. I'm working on a priority list of things to work on first and focus my energies on...in different tiers. Kind of boring to explain it all here, but it takes things I can't live without: my family, pets, friends, writing--and the next layer would include things like cooking, art, running, dance--and the next tier would be drumming, piano, etc. (Not an inclusive list, btw...)

I am such a work in progress, but I really do have all I need. It's either contained in information I can readily look up. Or I have had it within myself all along, and I just need to acknowledge that fact.

The fling boogie is going decently. I'm behind for the month so far, but it's the beginning of the month, and I'm behind by about 3 1/2 days, so it's not as terrible as it sounds. I know this for a fact, because it's not so hard to catch up when I'm behind with NaNoWriMo. I think, if I WriMo-ize my entire life, I'll be in pretty good shape!

Less Is More

2009-11-27T11:01:00.000-08:00

In theory, I'm a Buddhist. In practice, I'm a hoarder. It's a sickness. I hoard CDs. Stencils. Rubber stamps. Books. Videos.

I know it isn't exactly the time to make New Year resolutions, but I think any day is a great day for a fresh start. This is why I'm going to make simplification my new practice.

FlyLady has this exercise called the 27-fling-boogie. Basically, it's a challenge to go through a room, or a corner of a room and dispose of 27 things. I figure if I do a couple of these a day---actual trash and giving away/donating items for the rest of the year, I should be able to reclaim my junk room, erm, I mean---- office---- again.

The clutter is starting to take over the house. There is a chance we could be moving in the next year. Wouldn't it be nice to have way less to contend with, if that's the case!?

Sabbatical Over

2009-11-25T21:39:00.000-08:00

Thought it was about time I came back from my sabbatical. Thanks to a friend from work, I logged into Blogger for the first time since May!

Yep--I'm gainfully employed. It's a temporary job, but it's perfect for now and currently has an indefinite end date. Very low stress. Great co-workers. I get to be all sorts of geeky with data.

Our marketing efforts have not paid off in the slightest from earlier in the year. However, last week we went to Indianapolis for the ITLA convention, and garnered a new client based on our mini focus groups. Mr. Jade spent an hour and a half consulting with them today, and I will get to make a trip to Terre Haute sometime in the next couple of months for some witness effectiveness training.

Health-wise I'm not in the greatest of shape these days, but I am getting stronger and thinner as a result of working out twice a week with Mr. Jade and our personal trainer. After 6 weeks, I've lost a few pounds and gained some muscle tone. It's been a great experience.

Speaking of health, I am in better shape than a few of the people I really care about. One friend who just went through chemo for a 2nd time, is going to face yet another round early in 2010. I have set aside some special hats for her, because she will be losing her hair (for the 2nd time). My mother-in-law is starting to pass into a new realm. We are fortunate to still have her tomorrow for turkey and togetherness-so that's what I am most thankful for this year.

Just tonight, a good writer friend of mine told me that she also has cancer, but the prognosis is very good for her. I felt compelled to tell her that I've been there and came out on the sunny side of things. In fact, I have been a survivor for 16 years. It seems so odd for me to say that-almost like I'm fudging. I am, actually though, a two-time survivor. In my twenties I had skin cancer and a female cancer. Luckily, they were both caught very early on, and the surgeries were minor, which makes them seem like they weren't really big deals. In fact, if I wasn't such a doggone bleeder, I would have gone to work the same afternoon after one of the surgeries.

It got me thinking though...I have been berating myself lately for being such a wimp. I've been sick the majority of my adult life, and I really am sick and tired of being sick and tired. But, wow. I must be a tough old bird to have survived the Big C twice. I'm starting to see myself in a whole new light, and I think I like it.

Waving Your Skeletons in the Air

2009-05-10T23:03:00.000-07:00

(Sorry, it's a whine-y post.)

Holidays are just hard anymore because the angels died. The demons live. And I still have skeletons in my closet. Granted, fewer skeletons...but I still have a pretty good pile of them. They aren't exactly pretty, and they're embarrassing. But, they're there.

When you grow up in an abusive household, you learn to become a very private individual. When you decide to write, or become an advocate against those abuses...you CAN'T be private. It's stripped away, even though you know it's for a common good. It's a strange dichotomy. And, I won't lie--it sucks because your natural instinct--what you really want to do is to bury it all & forget it. All you've ever known is to retreat far into yourself when things get tough and to keep time-honored secrets. But, I think to be a true advocate, you have to come out of the closet waving your skeletons and pull some of your heart out to wear on your sleeve, or you can't be as effective.

Maybe it isn't just the writing that makes me wiggy, then. Holidays, like today, remind me of what I have missed, what I miss about my grandparents, and that I might not completely understand the way things are supposed to be, like I should. And, I've decided that I want to be that advocate, even if it means waving my skeletons around in public once in a while. =( I think...I'm still on a sort of sabbatical. I think I have a clearer direction of where I'm headed though...

If this is a hard holiday for you, my tightest, safest hugs. If today is joyous---then I hope you had the happiest of days and got to spend it with all the most important people in your life.

As a side...my daugher made me a homemade card--a la grade school. With crayons. =) Very sweet. She & Mr. Jade both came down to tell me they loved me. =) So sweet-I am a lucky woman. I just need to keep reminding myself of that. ;o)

when the words hurt more than they heal

2009-05-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

Some of you - maybe most of you - I think know what I write. But, do you know why?

Because somewhere tonight, there are little girls and little boys crying themselves to sleep. Right now. Probably in your neighborhood-certainly in your town. They are crying because they feel like nobody in this world loves them. They feel all alone. And they blame themselves. They feel that they are utterly unlovable. That they are bad. Or that they have some inherent defect or flaw that prevents others from loving them.

I learned at a very early age that words delivered magic on white sheets of paper. Most especially when those sheets were bound together to create a flowing cadence and rhythmic dance. A book, that I could hold in my hand--it was magic. Those little black symbols were a healing inky elixir.Those little black symbols spashed and danced on a page, loving me when nobody else did.

I knew by the age of 7 that I was able to create that magic all by myself. I could make my own words dance on a page, and I made that my life's mission to always choreograph great works of art. It was also in 2nd grade that I first read a poem by Emily Dickinson that has become my life's credo:

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain;
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

The muses were never meant to creep anyone out. Especially not someone who suffered the same kinds of abuses I did. They got me through some really tough times...the first muse I'm aware of popped into my life around age 11. I didn't label this inspiration as a "muse" per se back then, but that's exactly what it was.

When I learned that my muses were a little creepy for an incest survivor I'm close to, I was reminded of how clowns freaked me out when I was little.

My muses are clowns.

Maybe that's all they are.

My whole purpose with the writing...with the muse concept...was to let even one little girl or boy know they aren't alone in this world so they can sleep gently tonight. So they can discover their own muse(s) and know that their life has a purpose. Maybe by tomorrow they'll forget--but if they get just this one good night's sleep, then I'd be somewhat satisfied...and would feel that I haven't spent the past 40 years in vain.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I need some time away. Some time to think about what my life is for. Thank the powers that be that I have this amazing space just behind our house where I can lose the world and become one with the universe and figure out why the hell I'm here. It's called the woods, and I'm so lucky I can soak in its vibrations any time I choose. Anyway...I probably won't post a blog for a couple of days. Maybe a couple of weeks or months. I'll be back though. I'm like a fucking phoenix. Every time I die, I come back bigger and badder than before. Until I rise from the ashes again, I wish you all peace, love and happiness. I'll see ya soon.

XXOO
Cheri

How quickly the tides can change

2009-05-06T19:27:00.000-07:00

May be taking a hiatus from the internet. Likely I will except for my LiveJournal gratitudes.

Long story. Initially the muses had great support. Then some negative feedback.

I know I had a childhood ripe for multiple personality disorder, but that isn't where the muses come from. It was supposed to be a fun thing.

Thinking though that maybe I should just stick to fiction. Maybe that's my niche. Or maybe I'm destined to only crunch data. I dunno.

Whatever the case, I think I need to spend some quality time in my Buddhist church--also known as the woods behind my house. That way I can sort things out and figure out where I need to go from here...besides WorkMo.

From Writer Mama to Muse Whisperer

2009-05-05T23:01:00.000-07:00

I think that Writer Mama is more than just a book title to Christina Katz. I think this is how she identifies herself. A couple of years ago, my writer friend Cindy gave me this book. I'm finally peeking inside to discover all the jewels.

I'm still only on the first chapter, and I've become a fan of Utne Reader magazine which is maybe one of the more interesting magazines out there right now. Her writing prompts have me thinking of my childhood in a different light. And she has me thinking of all the different ways I can warehouse my ideas. She wisely offered several ideas for the moms who process life in various ways. For instance--visual mamas, audio mamas, list mamas, data geek mamas, etc. (I am paraphrasing here...I lump myself into the data geek mama with overlying list mania.)

However, this isn't so much a book review as it is a quest to define my own role as a writer. Even though I am a mama who writes, it doesn't really seem to fit as a label. I think I am more of a muse whisperer. It's what is driving me to write a how-to on discovering inner muses. Everyone has muses. I think people just need a little training on how to coax their muses out of hiding.

The WriMo Epidemic

2009-05-04T12:44:00.000-07:00

I need another WriMo event like I need another hole in my head. Yet, here I am doing a May NaBloPoMo. In other words, National Blog Posting Month. It occurred to me that I am neglecting my blogs horribly since I started working from home a couple of months ago. NaBloPoMo gives me the opportunity to get into a good bloggerly habit. Besides, NaNoWriMo is such a huge part of my life now, that I think of most things in terms of WriMos, ArtMos, WorkMos, etc. ;o)

Plus, I need to talk about writerly projects before my muses jump off a tall building and succumb to a horrible, creative death. Because - PROJECTS! I HAZ 'DEM!

A couple of years ago I participated in Script Frenzy. Valuable lesson learned in 2007: scripting is most definitely not my genre. But, I did walk away with a great idea for a non-fiction book. That idea has evolved and has now come around full circle. I'm currently writing a non-fic about the muses (which makes them proud as punch) and decided to share with everyone the secret of discovering their own muses.

The craziest part of all is that I am in the middle of outlining the book. I'm a pantser - whaaa?!? Fiction comes easily for me. It's as if the muses are busy writing entire books in my head long before I ever sit down to a computer to type out my thoughts. Non-fiction though needs to be organized a little differently--with more detail and forethought, and that isn't something I'm proficient at (yet). I'm using 2 books to help me with this process (and they will be included in the bibliography for sure!): Karen S. Wiesner's First Draft in 30 Days and Victoria Lynn Schmidt's Book in a Month. I don't necessarily intend to write Pocket Muses in that short of a time...although the muses are pretty fired up about it right now.

Not only that, I am doing an ArtMo every month this year. (The artsy muses need some time in the sun too.) I set some ambitious goals for May.

My mind is already wandering over to July too. JulNoWriMo. I failed hard at this challenge last year. I think I only wrote about 20,000 words. Since the rules are a little looser in July than in November, I'm playing with the idea of continuing two works-in-progress. This year, I fully intend to win!

By August I'll need to be getting a marketing plan in place for the Peoria WriMos...because I will be an ML again this year. Though, I hope to have an energetic and capable co-ML too, so I can pass the torch in 2010.

I need more WorkMo progress right now. I'll be back to blog tomorrow! =)

Tweets and Tangerine

2009-02-28T13:00:00.000-08:00

I'm currently working on a piece called Tangerine, which started out as a piece called Orange You Erotic. It's for a submission due by 11:59 PM tonight! The muses, at the very last moment, decided to change the piece all around because I was listening to my friends play jazz at one of the local coffee houses. My favorite jazz piece is Tangerine. The submission calls for Food + Sex, and the lyrics of Tangerine are suggestive...and my original piece about oranges was very sensual and so I am weaving the two. Yeah, don't ask how my muses work, because I am not entirely certain how they work either! But, I'm digging the piece. So, even if it doesn't get accepted, I am still going to work with it and possibly use it in something else.

I have some fellow EdMo editors tweeting with me now! If you are editing in March, check out the #nanoedmo tweets on Twitter. And feel free to follow me there too--I'll be posting my EdMo updates. I'm velvetjademuse there.

Coffee, NaNoEdMo & Red Pens

2009-02-22T10:32:00.000-08:00

Is anyone else planning to do NaNoEdMo this year? I am, and being the glutton for punishment that I am...I also signed up to be a "red pen luminary" which is EdMo's version of a municipal liaison. I have the entire state of Illinois right now. Online edit-ins in the Peo-Wrimos' MySpace Meebo chat space will be the only way I can help people outside of central Illinois, but there will be some local events too. If anyone is interested in the online & local calendar of events, let me know and I'll post it here too. =)

Coffee is a must to get through the edits. I've already purchased a couple of pounds! Vermont Maple Nut from Leaves 'n Beans is awesome. As for the red pen...I think I'm allergic to red pens or something. It reminds me too much of school. I generally use any color except red when I'm doing hard copy edits!! I do need to print out my old manuscript though this week so I can get hopping right away. Conveniently, March 1st falls on a Sunday, so our first March event will be an online edit-in at midnight.

Organizing some thoughts

2009-02-11T10:03:00.001-08:00

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If your muses are as prolific as mine, you probably have thousands of ideas spinning around your mind. And, if you are like me, you want to write out every single idea all at the same time!

So, before I lose focus and end up with nothing to show, I am going to get my thoughts organized. There are just about as many ways to get organized as there are topics to write about though! Where to start, where to start?

I've given it some thought and have come up with this:

1. Items with submission deadlines
a. Orange You Erotic 3rd & final draft
b. Take Orange You Erotic photo
c. Photoshop new photo

2. Items with money making potential
a. 33 Worst Mistakes Writers Make About Homeschooling - 1st & 2nd drafts
b. Ruby Cross 4th & hopefully final draft of the novel
c. SMALL Reports on the topics of low carb dieting and journaling

3. Items I can quickly write/edit
a. Booger-Eater-Lover kids' book 1st & 2nd drafts
b. Digging for Gold kids' book 1st & 2nd drafts (yes, these are part of a series I have in mind!)
c. Inner Gold poetry anthology (most poems already written & revised)
d. Phantasms poetry anthology (again, most poems already written & revised)

4. Items I am passionate about
a. The remaining 5 novels I've written and the 2 I've started--finish all through 2nd drafts
b. Vignettes - the writing project I'm preparing for my daughter...for when she leaves the nest

So there you have it. My muses are not all about organization, but right now I have way too many things going on to not be somewhat organized! I'm printing this out to put in the cover of my personal journal...to remind me where my priorities lie when it comes to writing.

Happy day!

Newbiness and Networking

2009-01-27T19:47:00.000-08:00

I'm feeling quite awkward on my new writing legs. Mostly because I've been focusing on the marketing end of it since my last post here, and I've never really done that before. I've sent away for the information from Holly Lisle. I got a PayPal account, which I will need no matter who I write for it seems. I've created my writing resume (finally), my fashion industry resume and I started a database with all of my contacts. I know a lot of writers! =) This database is for a few reasons...one, it will be much easier to send Christmas cards to my family and friends! Two, I can keep better track of the local Wrimos and writers' group members. Three, I will likely be selling clothing as an independent fashion consultant again, and I'll be able to contact my clients more easily.

I am so wobbly though. This is unfamiliar territory for me! I love the creative process of writing. I even enjoy the revision & polishing aspects (so long as it all is going smoothly and I don't have to rewrite major portions of a novel!). But this marketing stuff is an animal of a different color. I think I'll eventually grow to love it. Especially if it earns me a paycheck now and then.

I have modest goals this week. Learn the Holly Lisle report writing template, query an idea to her, write a sweet piece of prose for my friends who are getting married on Sunday, revise Orange You Erotic and submit it to the mag calling for Food + Sex submissions. I have too many other projects with deadlines going on right now to push it much more than that...a new job to get (interview today went VERY well! Woot!) and a wedding guestbook to complete for my friends. I'll be able to do much more next week, I think.

Do you set weekly goals? Daily? Monthly? What do they look like?

Happy wordsmithing!! =)
~Cheri

Journaling Continued...and New Endeavors

2009-01-18T13:25:00.000-08:00

Journaling isn't like coloring. You don't have to stay in the lines. You can be as creative (or as conservative and structured) as you like. You can test out your drawing skills (or in my case, the lack of skill), use it like a daily scrap-book with photos and ticket stubs from events you've experienced, you can practice writing in a different language, write with your non-dominant hand, write in code, upside-down, sideways--this is your journal. You can do with it whatever you want! The beauty in this, is that there are NO limitations.
Journaling can be a real-time solution to problems. It can be your best friend, therapist and loyal dog all rolled into one. If you focus long enough on a particular issue, you will eventually come around to solving a problem, making a tough decision, or at the bare minimum--getting all that junk off your chest.

New Endeavors

Writing short non-fiction pieces for sale, while I'm polishing my novels. My passion is writing fiction, but writing in general is play for me. I could write sixteen hours a day and still never run out of ideas!

A friend I met through the local NaNoWriMo has talked me into writing series of reports for Holly Lisle which could be a good step for me because she is also in the business of publishing fiction. Another possible endeavor is that Judy Rosella Edwards (the local Wrimo) is considering a partnership with me, e:publishing smaller reports. Where Holly Lisle's focus is "33 Worst Mistakes Writers Make About _____," Judy wants to focus more on "How-To _____. "

And since there are so many writers on my blog roll, do any of you have experience with Suite101 or HubPages? What about writing for local publications? I wrote an article for Senior News & Views a few years ago. They liked the idea (how to select a nursing home & what to look for in elder abuse) and subsequently the article so they published it, but I didn't get any money for it. It's just something nice to add to my resume. I'm just not sure how much writing I can do for free right now.

Anyway, I'm back in circulation. I think (I hope!). Happy Sunday!

Journaling for Writers

2009-01-14T10:50:00.001-08:00

My apologies on taking so long to write an entry...I've been sick with the same migraine since the day after Christmas, which has taken its toll on me personally and professionally.

I am going to switch my career to a temp worker. I'm familiar with different areas of the corporate world, I learn fast, and if I do need time off, I can take it guilt-free.

That being said, I have journaled about it a great deal over the past few months. It's making it easier for me to make the leap. And, since I'm going to be working temp jobs, I have begun journaling again about different writing ideas I have. Mostly short creative non-fiction pieces which will hopefully earn me some money. I am not shy about submitting my non-fiction, so that is how I've been published so far in life. Fiction is quite another matter.

Here is what makes journaling for writers so fantastic:
1. It's based on a free-writing concept. Write whatever is on the tip of your brain at any given moment. Sometimes those free-writing sessions will garner a new story idea. Sometimes it's just mind-dumping of a lot of nonsense. It's those new story ideas though, that get my vote!

2. While on the topic of mind-dumping...journaling allows you to get all the extraneous crap down on paper, so you don't have to think about it anymore. This gives you time to focus on more important things, like your works in progress!

3. I sometimes write in character. Especially those secondary characters who seem a little wooden and one-dimensional. It's role playing of the grandest form. I know of writers who blog completely from their character's POV, or who keep a journal just to write in character. You'd be surprised how real your character will seem after just a few entries.

4. Journals don't limit you to just writing words, especially if you are keeping a paper journal. You can sketch out house plans, character's looks, or mindmap right in the privacy of your own journal.

5. See how easily this topic segues into new bullet points! Mindmapping is an essential skill to have if you write novels, and is even useful for writing stories. It seems to hold most value in writing fiction, though I can see how one might use it creatively to write creative non-fiction pieces too. If you've never heard of mindmapping, a good site to learn about it is: http://tenkeyboards.com/30-technology-tips-for-writers-use-mind-maps-to-organize-your-work/

6. Journaling is a great gate-keeper of your most precious memories. The benefits of this are two-fold. One, you will always have access to these memories. Two, something that is happening in your life right now might not seem story-worthy, but it might become worthy in time. Or, it might lead into a great story idea once you give it some more thought.

7. Accessibility is a wonderful option in this day of online blogs. There are several free blogs that allow you to keep your entries entirely private - or you can share your journal with the world. The nice thing about blogs is tagging...you can tag (called labeling I just noticed here at blogger) your entries and then be able to search for the specific tags later. For instance, I am labeling this entry as an article idea!

Sorry kids. My head is killing me currently, and isn't thinking too clearly about the other 3 bullet points, so I'll continue this in a Part II later on. Until then, happy journaling!

Wilkommen!

2008-12-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

Welcome to my tiny little corner of the web-world. Make yourself comfy--kick off your shoes, take off your coat, flop down on the overstuffed sofa and stay a while. Coffee? Tea? Oh--something stronger? I knew I liked you! *winks*

I'm Cheri aka Angela Marrero, the name I use when I write. So many of my friends in the writing world are bloggers, so I decided to jump on the bandwagon so they'd have extra company, and a companion to say the occasional odd phrase, like "biggly woot" and "it's blizzarding!" Yes, sadly they probably only invited me along to fill the role of comic relief. ;o)

Mostly I want to use this blog spot for writerly things. I'm probably going to start another for body image/fitness--in the works. For now though, I've committed myself to NaNoFiMo. National Novel Finishing Month is a challenge to add 30,000 more words on to a novel-in-progress. So far I've written nothing this month. I decided to give the muses a little vacation. I expect them to come back to work tonight though. I even have the disco ball ready to go for them!

More on the muses later. Right now I have a couple thousand words to add to my WIP, Fainting Robin, the book formerly known as Lullabies and Brahms.

Happy writing and Happy Thursday to you all! =)