things I've learned and things I'm learning this past week

1. Most disturbingly, my mother's death did not erase the deep-seated anger I had beforehand. I thought that the death of a loved one was supposed to soften you to those negative emotions. It didn't. The good of that, is that I don't ever want to make such horrendous decisions that my daughter and her future-husband ever have such cause to be angry enough with me that it carries over into my death.

2. My parents were hoarders. I think cleaning up the mess will be largely on my shoulders, but I'm even angrier with my father than I was with my mother. Basically, I told him I'd get stuff organized and sell on Craigslist/eBay for a fair commission & expenses. As an example of the extreme hoarding tendencies they had: one man does not need six microwaves-especially the 3 that were sitting one on top of another collecting dust, the bottom one being brand new and still in the box. A woman I sit next to at work is starting her life over with her college-age daughter and was in need of a microwave. Sometimes charity helps in the healing process. I asked my dad if I could take one of the 3 microwaves just lying around for her...his reply was, "Absolutely, but not the one in the box." I have my work cut out for me. Now, I know I need to be much more of a purger than I am, so my daughter doesn't have this sort of mess to clean out.

3. My mom never exercised. Nor did she worry about what she ate. I'm lucky that I love my veggies and am not such a huge fan of sweets. Fried foods...depends on the day. But less food and more exercise will be another of my mantras this year. I think I am to inherit my mom's bicycle that my father bought a couple years ago. According to him, she only rode it about twice. But exercise...this past year has been a very bad exercise year with slipping my disc. I love to exercise, so not being able to exercise has been hard-but I could have walked more than I did. I just started spinal decompression therapy today, and plan to do my first 5k post-injury this May. I hope to RUN the 5k, though I certainly have the option to walk if I'm not capable of running.

4. I want to get closer to my relatives. I always assumed I was the black sheep because I had the falling out with my parents. My relatives did not approach me at all in that way, so that was just unnecessary baggage on my part, I think. I do have relatives I'm still very close to-my 2 cousins growing up who are the closest thing to siblings I have, and an assortment of Cuban cousins and one cousin who JUST lost her husband 2 days ago-one week after losing my mom.

5. I need to get published. If I'm going to leave the legacy I want to leave, I need to get it in gear. Longevity in life does not look good for me. My mom was only 61. Her sister was only 50. I lost a grandpa at 44. My special grandparents were gone at 71 & 79. I lost a cousin I was close to in Cuba at 28 from heart disease. I appreciate the shortness of life now. 20 more years...if I live to my mom's age...doesn't seem nearly a long-enough time to do all I want/need to do in life. I've already had cancer twice...you'd think I would have learned back then!